Alan Banks Celebration of Life

We had a really beautiful family experience as we laid Alan to rest. So many special memories. We started the night before the celebration at Alan and Sharon’s house. It was the first time the kids and I had been back to the house and it was so emotional for me. I kept waiting for Sharon to come around the corner asking if we were hungry or tired, or to hear Alan’s boisterous laugh as he came clomping down the stairs. It felt so empty and their presences was acutely missed.

We had dinner, played some intense games of Speed on the basketball court, and then we all sat down and built Lego flowers that we could leave at the graveside always. I think the flowers turned out so cute!

Alan chose to be cremated, and so we didn’t feel so rushed to hold his celebration of life right away. This was so nice because it allowed us all time to grieve and process and be really intentional about how we wanted to celebrate. Alan was clear that he didn’t want a traditional “stuffy” funeral, and I think we delivered! It was an incredible day. Perfect in every way.

The day started with a private graveside ceremony. This was my favorite part. It was so tender to hear memories of Alan from all his boys, from his siblings and his grandkids. One thing that really struck me was how almost everyone had a 1 on 1 memory. Alan was a busy guy, but despite everything he had to do and everything he chose to do, he made time for the people who mattered to him. This isn’t everyone who spoke, but here is a smattering of the memories that were shared:

Kami–Alan’s last words to her were “live your life.” This was something he was so good at. He seized opportunities and didn’t let others dictate his path.

Rusty–At one Family Home Evening, Alan gathered the boys at the kitchen table. He had surgical instruments all laid out and the boys started getting nervous. He then proceeded to operate on his own tennis elbow, detailing every step of the way. He also told the story of how Roger and Alan left him and Steven at the border of Belize for an entire day so the adults could go adventure. The boys didn’t have a passport. One last story was one day when Rusty and Alan were playing tennis and Rusty was having a teenage moment. He was so mad and upset about who knows what. As they were cleaning up the balls Alan advised Rusty that tennis, just like life, is 90% mental. He talked about how important it is to take care of yourself and your mental health.

Brynn–She said grandpa was always slipping her money and he would say, “This is to speak at my funeral.” Well, I’m here to tell you it was money well spent. She did a beautiful job. She talked about the Taylor Swift song, “Daylight.” One of the lines says, “I wanna be defined by the things that I love.” Alan really embodied this.

Brayden–When Brayden got to say goodbye to Grandpa, he said to “hang in there.” Life is so hard, and sometimes all we can do is hang on. Brayden said he would always think of this advice when he is going through hard times.

Jolene–She said as a teenager, Alan used to wear a hairnet to bet to create his signature hair swoop. He was famous for his cherry chocolate shakes. And he used his own spoon to give the dogs bites of said shake.

Bridger–he shared memories of Grandpa taking him to work and how special that made him feel. He got to watch him operate on ankles. He said is favorite times with Grandpa were learning how to fly fish.

David–Willis did a Master’s program in Colorado and sometimes Phyllis would go for the weekend to visit him and leave Alan in charge of David. He loved these moments they had together.

Whitney–She loved chatting with Alan on Instagram. They had so many good laughs together. She said he wasn’t only a good grandpa to his own grandkids, but to her kids as well. She said he really embodied and carried on what was best about Phyllis and Willis. Always offering so much love and support.

Linda–Walking to school together as kids and Alan talked her into going into the viaduct under the road. Also, Alan had to milk the cow. The cow stepped in the bucket one morning and he never told anyone. He just sold the milk to the neighbors as usual.

Lindsey–Her words were so beautiful and heartfelt. She had me in tears. She talked about how after losing her own dad so young, that Alan became like a father to her, and pulled double duty as grandpa to her boys. Their house was a safe haven to her boys, and Alan and Sharon were always there to love and support them. She said Alan, “Exceed expectations” in all the ways. So, so true.

Aubrey–one time they went to Market Street Grill and ordered every dessert on the menu.

Tara–Shared the story of Rusty’s setting apart where President Lolotai called Rusty, “Rustin Bjorn Borg.”

Here are videos of my kids:

We worked really hard to have the headstone ready before the service, and I am so pleased with the way it turned out. Sunflowers for Sharon, Mountains for Alan, and on the back, the Red and Yellow roses that were so special to Alan and Sharon, along with the names of their most precious legacy: their grandkids.

When it came time to put Alan’s ashes in the ground, we formed a family line and passed the box all the way down until it reached his three boys. They placed him in the hole in the ground, and then we all got to shovel dirt into the hole. It felt really good to do something physical to help this great man rest in peace.

Next up was a family lunch. We had Kneaders deliver catering. They brought it right to the house and Steven was kind enough to be there waiting and keep it safe until we got home. It was so easy. We ate, looked at pictures and shared memories. Rusty was working hard to get Alan’s video finished up.

We hired a catering company to help us with the party that night. Best decision ever. They did all the heavy lifting and all the food, and all we had to add were the special touches. We served hot dogs, chicken sliders, berry salad, apple beer, and had an ice cream bar for dessert. Alan’s golf buddies brought his favorite cookies from the Country Club.

I did the Nerfis and bird favors, as well as the table centerpieces. I think they turned out so cute! Carson cleaned up the lawmower, and we put our lego flowers in the cupholder. We sent all the kids hunting around the house to find things for Alan’s memory table. It was so fun for them to go hunting through rooms, the basement, and the office and stumble on clothes, pictures, trophies and other memorabilia that Grandpa loved.

The night flew by as we chatted, laughed and cried with family and friends. The turnout was unbelievable. Such a testament to a life well lived. Rusty ran the Nerfis games, and everyone had a blast. We had people who had been playing for years, and those who were introduced for the first time, and everyone loved it. Earlier in the day Rusty and I had gone out and spruced up the graves of White the Cat and Boo the Hawk. We re-chalked their grave markers and put flowers and candles out. We had to take Halle out to see. Carson flew his drone and got some good pictures for us.

Josh and Halle stopped by a fireworks stand earlier in the day. So after most everyone was gone, as a little final farewell, we shot fireworks into the sky. Alan, you will be so missed. Thank you for teaching us how to live a life we love. Thank you for teaching us how important it is to love one on one. Than you for being a grandpa who was so full of love and admiration for his grandkids. Thank you for the best wedding advice we never knew we needed, “Lower your expectations.” Life won’t be the same without you, but we hope to make you proud as we carry on the beautiful legacy you and Sharon created.